Tit for Tat

Tit for Tat.  A ridiculous phrase used to describe when "someone pays back one wrong or injury with another", according to Dictionary.com.  And it really chaps my hide. 

First of all, it's unfair to speak your mind, share your emotions, trust your soul with someone who cares about you and instead of responding to your needs, they get defensive about it, override your emotions, and throw something back at you.

Second of all, it's horrible communication, especially in a meaningful relationship.

As you can probably tell, I'm pretty steamed.  I started to write in my journal, but I got impatient with handwriting.  I can type much quicker and the delete button is very handy.  I needed to vent and as long as I play my cards right, my blog is a safe place to do it.  No, I won't name any names.  I am not "bagging" on anyone.  I feel unheard and my feelings are hurt and I need to share it aloud.  On paper.  On the screen.  Whatever.

I fully understand becoming defensive when someone doesn't like something I did or said.  It's like an instant response.  Sure.  But I think that part of becoming a responsible adult is learning how to take a deep breath before throwing something back at someone just because you're uncomfortable with what you are hearing.  Anyone out there agree with me?

I also believe that with maturity comes the acknowledgement that oftentimes one should calm down before bringing up a touchy subject.  I am getting pretty good at this.  The last time I had an issue with someone, I kinda sat on it for a few days, playing it around in my brain.  I wasn't dwelling (too much), simply formulating my stance and rebuttal before confronting them.  It worked.  I was able to approach the person calmly and lay it all out in a not-so-personal manner.  They were uncomfortable for a few minutes, but we were able to resolve the matter.  Pretty much.  It takes time to create new habits, after all.

Ok.  So let's get back to that phrase, "Tit for Tat."  What did it mean originally?  Without doing extensive research, I turned up: Origin of TIT FOR TAT (first known use: 1556) is an alteration of an earlier version of the phrase, "tip for tap", meaning a blow for a tap. (Merriam Webster online)  So, you tap someone and they punch you?  That's what it originally meant?  I nod my head.  That's how my overactive, emotional state feels right about now.  Angry.  Justified.  Unfairly treated.  Butt hurt.  (Hey.  I thought getting all this out of my system was supposed to calm me down!)  Hmmm.  It might be a long night . . .