A Non-Catholic's First Attempt at Lent: DAY 1

Last Sunday I was very impressed by the ideas that my Reverend was speaking about.  He was born/raised Catholic and had aspirations to become a Priest, but, luckily for us, "He and Jesus have agreed to see other people".

Rev. Guy asked the congregation to consider giving up "something good for something better" in our lives for 40 days.  He spoke on the sacredness of the number 40, how it is mentioned in the mythology and stories of many ancient religions.  40 days seems to be a spiritual preparatory period. Sure.  I can do 40 days . . . right?

His talk was also on Freedom.  He wasn't talking about freedom from things but rather freedom to be more alive in the world.  Freedom, Choices, Responsibility.

Well, I bought a copy of the talk on cd in the bookstore and have heard it quite a number of times since then.  I also spoke with him on the phone yesterday and am going in for prayer today. He let me know that times of feeling uncomfortable are inevitable, but that I will move through to the other side with more knowledge of the connection between me and Spirit and my true inner voice.  The last time I gave up one of my "Big 3", I cried in public for about an hour and a half.  Couldn't help it, couldn't stop.  I've already warned my roomies.

As usual, I tend to "go big or go home" with what I do, so I decided to abstain from three major motivators in my life from now until Easter, which will be an opportunity for us to celebrate the resurrection of our True Selves in God.  Sounds good to me.

I haven't blogged in quite a while.  For those who know the more intimate details of my life, you already know that my husband of 24 years, E and I have split up and are working towards an amicable divorce.  I'm sure it's understandable why I haven't shared my thoughts with the whole world.  But now that the original feelings of panic, shame, need-to-hunker-down have subsided and pretty much everyone who needed to be notified have been, I feel called to share again.

Like I mentioned, there are three strong influences in my life.  The strongest, as of late, is of a delicate nature and I don't want to share what it is at this time.  Perhaps as I go through more evolvement I will be braver about sharing my truths.  Suffice it to say, I have an addiction to "feeling good" and found myself planning much of my day around feeling just so.  The second strongest factor has been physical contact/sex.  When my marital relationship broke up, I took on a lover and found out a lot about myself.  I am highly motivated by strong and sexy touch.  Giving up sex for 40 days is going to be an interesting journey into myself.  I have become a new and powerful person in this arena.  Where will the energy and drive venture without the usual release?  The third thing I have decided to abstain from for now is alcohol.  Coming from a family with a history of addiction, I have been very conscious and wary of my drinking patterns and habits.  I am more of a social drinker, although I have poured a shot by myself at the end of the day.  I'm not so excited about beer and wine is alright.  Honey Jack Whiskey is what floats my boat.  When considering what to give up, I was initially not going to give up drinking, but thought, Hey, if I'm going to get my head clear, I should really do so.

So last night, after letting my lover know about my decisions (not only to abstain from sex but to pull back from the relationship as a whole), and feeling anxious and sad about his reactions, at about 12 minutes to midnight, I poured myself a short drink over ice.  I drank most of it before the clock struck 12, but didn't feel the impulse to finish the whole thing and was cool with dumping the dregs.  (I might have made a different decision if the beverage had been the aforementioned Honey Jack, but I have run out and was drinking my roommate's regular Jack instead).  My roomie kept an eye on the clock, with her usual sense of humor, which tends to be encouraging, supportive, and direct.

I went up to my bedroom, blew out all of the candles but one, which was a part of a protective and forward-looking display of pictures representing monetary abundance, checked my other alters, and crawled into bed.  I cuddled up tighter than usual to my blankets and realized that I might be sleeping alone for quite a long time.  I put in a few minutes reading The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself, re-reading the pages I'd earmarked for further contemplation rather than delving into new material.  In just a few moments I was ready to let go for the night.

My girlfriends have been very supportive this morning. It's now 10:15 and I'm reminding myself to breathe deeply.
 Today's inspirational calendar quote says:

"Only when the clamor of the outside world is silenced will you be able to hear the Deeper Vibration.  Listen carefully.  Spirit's playing your song."

I guess I'm on the right track.
I am going to a New Moon Ceremony this afternoon after my prayer session. I'll keep breathing and moving forward. Stay tuned . .

A dear friend gave this book to me for Christmas.  It's pretty dang amazing.