Lent Day 10: The Silent Observer

Gonna start today's post with a few day's worth of the "Simple Abundance" calendar wisdom:

Feb 26, 27, 28, 29

Turning away from the world and toward your own happiness is the path of authenticity.  

You have embarked on an adventure as exciting as any explorer's.  

But uncovering the source of the Nile or charting the course of the Amazon is nothing compared to the inner journey to Wholeness--a safari of the self and Spirit.

In Africa, to go on safari--the Swahili word for journey--

is to leave the comfort of civilization to venture into the wilderness.

Each time you listen to your authentic self you do the same.

Remind yourself of this often.

A safari of the self and Spirit is at times lonely.

But this sense of isolation is necessary if we are to encounter Mystery,

and mystery is very much a part of a safari.  

Embrace the Mystery of the wilderness within.

I was really struck by the line that said that the safari of the self and Spirit is at times lonely. I have left the comfort of what is known for what is unknown.  Sometimes I feel terribly lonely.  I know I have a great community of people who love me.  My family is awesome, both the blood-relatives and the chosen family.  Is it a belief in separation from God that brings on these feelings?  Perhaps.  I've heard this before, but I don't feel separated from God.  I just sometimes forget.

Last night our son played on stage with his jr. high band.  We didn't know he was going to perform until about 2 hours before the event.  I was happy to rearrange my plans to attend.  My ex and I are a united pair when it comes to parenting.  We saw each other a bit beforehand, along with his girlfriend, who I get along with very well.  When I asked him if he wanted me to save them seats, as I was going early, he said, "Sure".  When I asked if he wanted me to get their tickets, he said, "If you're cool with that."  I was.

The evening was fun, if only a little awkward.  I am grateful that our mutual friends have taken our cue and been cool about us all being social together.  I put about 10 of my raffle tickets into the haircut certificate bag and won it.  Yay.  I am way overdue for a trim.

Even though I was around a lot of people that I know and love, I felt apart a bit.  When a family stole the chairs I had held for others at my table, it was really hard for me to keep my temper.  With my usual passive-aggressive attitude, I kept telling my friends that the seats had been saved but that they'd been stolen.  The interlopers ignored me.  (They had been told by others at the table that the seats had been saved.  They still chose to sit there.)  I was sitting next to the woman in the family. Everytime she bumped me, my temper flared.  Geez.  

While driving home, I listened to more of the Wayne Dyer ruminations on the Tao Te Ching.  It was good stuff.  When I climbed into bed, I had a choice.  Read more of my newest obsession, Stephen King's Mr. Mercedes or a few pages of The Untethered Soul.  Since I was feeling a bit more on the emo side, I picked the positive book.  The pages I read were about seeing past our emotions and experiences and tapping into the "Silent Observer" that is a part of us all.  It is our connection to God and to everything and everyone in existence.  Wholeness.  No beginning, no end.  So I've been practicing this today.  It's like I can see myself in layers and this part of me is the grounding part. 

The rest, the messy emotions, are superfluous and kind of slide around on top of it.  Part of the human experience.  As I read some text pics arrived showing Jake in the process of getting his hair dyed blue.  I was grateful to have been included.  

I will end today's ramble with a picture of a beautiful card that I found this morning in my work mailbox.  It was made by a lovely friend of mine.  

Yes.  Onward.  

Thanks for listening.