I was in discussion yesterday with some people in my life about emotions and depression, life-choices and medications. Not surprisingly, we all had different opinions. The one thing we all agreed upon was the goal of a personal sense of peace.
Notice I didn't say happiness.
So after speaking my thoughts (in quite an emotional manner, I must admit) to a person who was unable to hear me in a compassionate manner today, and sitting in quiet and tense sadness as I navigated my way to solitude, I found myself with a few hours to kill before my next commitment.
I decided against reaching out to my support system folks, which is blessedly large and wonderful group, I am happy to report. Instead I knew that I needed to heed the call of quiet "me" time.
I stopped into a new shop in town. I've been curious about it for a little while and wanted to see what they were selling. They were a bit high priced for me at the moment in my gift-shopping for the Holidays zone, but they also doubled as a spa. I decided to get my eye-brows done.
My eye-brows are a monthly commitment. I am truly a hairy beast if I don't take care of them and, not to seem vain, my self-esteem struggles when my eyebrows are a mess.
As soon as I laid down on the clean spa bed, I felt a sense of calm. Although getting hot wax put on my face and having it ripped off isn't the most pleasant of feelings, having someone "care" for me, however impersonal, makes me feel good. And she did a nice job. I walked out of there with my spirits lifted a bit.
Next I drove down the little Main street of my town to see what else might be open and perusable. I found another new shop, as recommended by the esthetician who had just made me presentable, and had a good look around there as well. More cute stuff a little beyond my "lots of gifts to buy for the holidays" price range but I was glad to go in and meet the staff and connect with my town.
A few doors down, one of my favorite eclectic shops was open. Great clothes, fun art, and a little splash of one of my favorite scents brought me to my sparkly self again. I walked out of there without spending any money, but got a couple ideas of things that might be good for some of my soul sisters. I let my feet take me around the block as I looked into the windows of more shops. Some were open, but most were closed at this time of evening. It didn't matter.
In my personal bible of self-fulfilling happiness, Simple Abundance, author Breathnach suggests just going into stores and acknowledging what calls out to you. No need to buy. No need to feel a sense of lack from not purchasing. Just seeing what one likes can be food for the spirit. For me, it did the trick.
What I know is that this world is full of options. Most importantly is the option to allow oneself to FEEL what one needs to feel at that moment. Once we acknowledge ourselves without judgment, or as little as possible, we are then faced with the choice of what to do next.
I knew I was in a state of overwhelm earlier in the day. Not a huge deal, but I was diving down into my "well". What I knew for ME was that I needed space to be in my own head and to make my own decisions for a little bit. Good call. I got my mojo back and nobody got hurt. LOL.
Thanks for listening.