Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Regulating Those Pesky Emotions

I was in discussion yesterday with some people in my life about emotions and depression, life-choices and medications.  Not surprisingly, we all had different opinions.  The one thing we all agreed upon was the goal of a personal sense of peace. 

Notice I didn't say happiness.

A few years ago my dear therapist told me that he didn't believe in purporting the idea of happiness to his clients.  He didn't really believe in it himself.  Yes, he believed that life can hold many moments of joy, but his goal was for his clients to learn to feel peace.

My last blog posting (months ago, so sorry) was about clutter and finding which objects in my life created a sense of joy.  I started with my clothing and, to be honest, it's as far as I have gotten with this project.  (Next will be my books.  Yeah.  It's gonna be a challenge.)

I was disturbed to discover that while I was able to acknowledge which clothing items I really liked or disliked, I can't honestly say that any of them actually incited feelings of joy when I held them, which is to be the deciding factor in what is kept and what is let go.

Now, months later, my closet brings me joy.  No longer is it cluttered with too many clothes or boxes of decorations or other things I didn't know where to put so I put them in there.  It's a gorgeous space and I am happy to say that it has remained this way since I finished it.  In fact, my closet makes me so happy that I am loathe to add anything to it that just doesn't "fit" my lifestyle.  I don't even want to keep my vacuum in there any longer.  (It's currently living under my bed, but I don't like that either.)

So.  Back to the conversation of peace, joy and happiness. 

I am currently listening to the audiobook of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.  I know, I know, this book was all the rage decades ago but for personal reasons, I decided to give it a try.  (Another try, I might clarify, as I had picked up the book years ago, became impatient, and got rid of it.) 

Something the author talks about is the emotional "well" that women have.  Supposedly, we women go down into the well cyclically and aren't really able to bounce back out until we have hit the bottom. 

My emotions got pretty wound up today, as I had a couple of conversations with some folks that brought up feelings of fear and pain.  Quite a few important issues I am currently facing are in the hands of other people and being able to trust in the "bigger picture" spiritually is a moment-by-moment quest for me.

So after speaking my thoughts (in quite an emotional manner, I must admit) to a person who was unable to hear me in a compassionate manner today, and sitting in quiet and tense sadness as I navigated my way to solitude, I found myself with a few hours to kill before my next commitment. 

I decided against reaching out to my support system folks, which is blessedly large and wonderful group, I am happy to report.  Instead I knew that I needed to heed the call of quiet "me" time. 

I stopped into a new shop in town.  I've been curious about it for a little while and wanted to see what they were selling.  They were a bit high priced for me at the moment in my gift-shopping for the Holidays zone, but they also doubled as a spa.  I decided to get my eye-brows done.

My eye-brows are a monthly commitment.  I am truly a hairy beast if I don't take care of them and, not to seem vain, my self-esteem struggles when my eyebrows are a mess. 

As soon as I laid down on the clean spa bed, I felt a sense of calm.  Although getting hot wax put on my face and having it ripped off isn't the most pleasant of feelings, having someone "care" for me, however impersonal, makes me feel good.  And she did a nice job.  I walked out of there with my spirits lifted a bit. 

Next I drove down the little Main street of my town to see what else might be open and perusable.  I found another new shop, as recommended by the esthetician who had just made me presentable, and had a good look around there as well.  More cute stuff a little beyond my "lots of gifts to buy for the holidays" price range but I was glad to go in and meet the staff and connect with my town.

A few doors down, one of my favorite eclectic shops was open.  Great clothes, fun art, and a little splash of one of my favorite scents brought me to my sparkly self again.  I walked out of there without spending any money, but got a couple ideas of things that might be good for some of my soul sisters.  I let my feet take me around the block as I looked into the windows of more shops.  Some were open, but most were closed at this time of evening.  It didn't matter. 

In my personal bible of self-fulfilling happiness, Simple Abundance,  author Breathnach suggests just going into stores and acknowledging what calls out to you.  No need to buy.  No need to feel a sense of lack from not purchasing.  Just seeing what one likes can be food for the spirit.  For me, it did the trick. 

What I know is that this world is full of options.  Most importantly is the option to allow oneself to FEEL what one needs to feel at that moment.  Once we acknowledge ourselves without judgment, or as little as possible, we are then faced with the choice of what to do next. 

I knew I was in a state of overwhelm earlier in the day.  Not a huge deal, but I was diving down into my "well".  What I knew for ME was that I needed space to be in my own head and to make my own decisions for a little bit.  Good call.  I got my mojo back and nobody got hurt.  LOL.

Thanks for listening.