Thursday, July 23, 2015

3 Months Later . . .

Probably once a day I think, "That would be funny or interesting or . . . for my blog" and that's about as far as it goes.  Today, however, I let the impulse build and grabbed the laptop bag from the truck, unpacking it outside on the deck of the ranch.

One of the things I thought about blogging about a few days ago was when, as I looked up while working in the orchard, I took a deep breath of gratitude for the beauty I beheld, and slid-skid-fell down a short terrace level in the garden.  I remember praying that I wouldn't hit my head or land on my back.  The long scrape of my shin and ankle barely registered.  I landed on my feet and decided I was done weeding for the day.  It was about to rain, anyway.  I don't know if this translates as a funny experience, but I've been laughing a little sardonically in my mind at how I should expect the unexpected, even in times of gratitude and thanksgiving.  ("Geez, God.  It was a prayer of gratitude!")

What spurred me to finally start writing with an actual keyboard at my fingertips, instead of just in my mind, was that I thought it would be interesting to really start looking at myself as analytically as possible.  I enjoy contemplating and truth-telling on virtual paper and sending it out into the world.

Just today it was pointed out that two things I had said were at odds with each other.  All I could do was calmly agree but acknowledged the feelings that arise when I feel like I am being inconsistent or two-faced or just plain nuts. I know I didn't lie on purpose.   But wait a minute.  Wasn't it just me that let a friend know that I could use an evening of quiet and just 5 minutes after hanging up the phone had the thought that it would be fun to run over to the neighbor's to grab the dog and chat for a bit?
That's me.  Flip-flop, flip-flop.  Once, when I brought up that I was a Gemini, my son told me not to "blame my problems" on my sign.  Fair enough.  I am doing my best to be a person of my word.  I just wanna point out that sometimes I'm all over the place.  And I'm genuinely in those places when I'm there . . . whether it makes sense to others or not.

I am alone in on this property.  If I want to go for a run, I don't need to tell anyone.  If my roomie, Sal, were home, I'd let her know, because in my world, I like to "check-in" with people.  (Plus, if she were home and I were gone a long time, she'd know to come see if I'd been bitten by a snake or something.)  Yup.  I guess I equate "alone time" with the opportunity to make decisions, spontaneous or otherwise, without needing to communicate it with another person.  I love the people in my life, my sense of community and family, and I also enjoy when it's just me.  Is it possible to be both an introvert and an extrovert?  Flip-flop, flip-flop.

Through the bushes ahead of me, I can see the silent and beautiful lights of the 15 South.  We like to joke that our view of the freeway is beautiful and serene.  Not a lot of folks can say that.  I'd take a picture but it wouldn't do it justice.  There's a gorgeous bridge that spans the hills of the Bonsall/Valley Center area and the freeway slopes down under it.   Viewing it gives me great pleasure.

It's been three months to the day of my last posting.  Three is one of my favorite numbers, so I smiled when I saw the date.  I've missed babbling online.  I'll try not to be such a stranger.

Thanks for listening.