Saturday, June 19, 2010

Looking the Pain Right in the EYE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sb2YOg_dkQM

Ok.  Start off by watching the link I posted above.  I watched it 3x in a row and it gave me goosebumps.  The first time I watched it, I broke out in tears and I had to post the link to my online Wolfpack (Women who Run with the Wolves.  Check it out, girlfriends!)

For years and years and YEARS I have felt out of sync with myself.  I have gone to 4 therapists, put my marriage on the line countless times, alienated myself from friends and family and abused substances in an attempt to escape the pain of living.

Here I am, 39 years young, and finally GETTING IT!

I started asking for help from a Divine source a few years ago.  I start the day accepting the blessings and abundance in my life.  Sometimes I wake up with a weight on my soul.  When I give thanks, it helps relieve the feeling of heaviness.

I have been learning to meditate.  We are told to "pray and meditate".  So, as I see it, prayer is when we talk, meditating is when we listen!

I am following my instincts more and more and more.  I no longer believe in the word "coincidence".  I am constantly amazed by the little and big convergences in my life.  Shall I call them blessings?  Yes, I shall.

Today, I have the whole house to myself.  E and Jim left early to work out, then to meet up with my brother and son to see Iron Maiden in concert.  I slept in until 12:30.  This is unheard of for me.  (Although when we were childless and living in O.B., this was a common occurrence!)

Today, all day, I have been reminding myself and my sense of anxiety, that I am beholden to no one but myself for my day today.  I journaled, perused the book, Healing Mandalas that is overdue at the library, I called a few people back, which is a big deal because I suck at calling people back in a timely manner.  I read e-mails and found the above link, among other inspiring things.  As you can tell, I am jumping around in my telling of my day, but that is the way it is going to be!  Rewind back to my journaling and reading time today.  I had journaled about some bitter and sad feelings I was feeling toward someone.  There are some things I am struggling to accept.  Next, I opened Tolle's, The Power of Now, and was informed about Pain-Bodies.

According to Tolle, "As long as you are unable to access the power of the Now, every emotional pain that you experience leaves behind a residue of pain that lives on in you.  ...This accumulated pain is a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind.  ...Some people live almost entirely through their pain-body, while others may experience it only in certain situations, such as intimate relationships, or situations linked with past loss or abandonment, physical or emotional hurt, and so on....The pain-body wants to survive, just like every other entity in existence, and it can only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it.  It can then rise up, take you over, 'become you,' and live through you.  ...The pain-body, when it has taken you over, will create a situation in your life that reflects back its own energy frequency for it to feed on. ...Pain cannot feed on joy.  It finds it quite indigestible.  ...The pain-body, which is the dark shadow cast by the ego, is actually afraid of the light of your consciousness.  ...The moment you observe it, feel its energy field within you, and take your attention into it, the identification is broken.  A higher dimension of consciousness has come in.  I call it presence.  You are now the witness or the watcher of the pain-body.  This means that it cannot use you anymore by pretending to be you, and it can no longer replenish itself through you.  You have found your innermost strength."

Wow.  As I said, when you no longer believe in "coincidences", life becomes more and more amazing.  I am so happy to be waking up to a new way of viewing life!  Now, when I "sleep" to my new spirituality, I actually notice that I am thinking the old way.  Prayer and meditation.  Prayer and meditation.  Mantras like, "Forgiveness", "Abundance", "Acceptance", and just learning to embrace silence is changing me inside and out.

Thanks for listening.

1 comment:

  1. I've read and heard and believe that there is not much hope for transformative change or "getting it" until midlife. Judy is ahead of schedule.
    I've read and heard that Jesus' most common phrase, as reported in the Gospels, is Wake Up! or Learn to See!, etc. It is similar with the Buddha.

    I believe that the ability to accept that pain is the gift pathway to surrender and empathy is about this Waking Up!

    DS

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