Lent Day 14: An Apology

Well, I knew that as I blogged about my personal life it would probably hit a nerve and that I might need to make public amends from time to time.

Yesterday I mentioned that I was going to check in with E before talking to Jake about us splitting up.  It was not my intention for it to seem like I felt E had been telling Jake stuff about me/us, but it may have seemed that way.  We spoke for awhile on the phone today.  He told me that he all he has told our son is that, "We weren't really getting along as a married couple."  I was relieved to hear it and I apologized to him about any inferences otherwise on my blog.  I appreciate the way that we have treated each other for the past 25 years, especially in the way that we speak about each other to our son.  He has not deviated from this, nor shall I.  I have no idea if Jake will open up to me today about his attitude toward me.  Perhaps it is, as E mentioned, the fact that I am a bit more "no nonsense" and less wimpy when it comes to how I deal with him and he hasn't quite acclimated yet to the changes.  The time had come, however, to put my foot down and be a stronger mom.  I've changed my parenting style and he just might need to know more about that, plus a little more time to see how I am now. Thanks, E.  And I'm sorry.  You're a great dad and I appreciate our communications so very much.

What is also becoming more and more readily apparent is that I really need to be more brave in speaking my truths to people.  I've lived my life not wanting to hurt feelings or rock the boat but it tends to backfire and instead of some rocking, the boat sinks.  Bravery.  How do I get more of that?

Today's morning meditation came from Henry Miller.

"We must be holy without holiness.  We must be whole, complete.  That's being holy.  Any other kind of holiness is false, a snare, and a delusion."

 How does one become whole and complete?  How does one walk through through the world being compassionate and kind and yet honest and true to oneself?  Perhaps we are already whole and complete, just forget it from time to time.  Perhaps this is the age-old quest.  Thanks for sharing my path with me.

And thanks for listening.