Lent Days 24/25: Acknowledge and Let Go. Rinse and Repeat.

I didn't post yesterday for a few reasons.  Mainly it was because I was upset and I don't like to react in public, or in general, when I'm upset.  Things tend to be said that can't be unsaid when the emotions run high.

Instead of getting it all out in my blog, since the matter was more of a private one, I decided to go for a walk/run with Gypsy, the cool old dog that lives here.  We went decently far.  I was mindful of her age and that her physical health isn't what it once was as well as my foot, which has been hurting since Fall of 2014 due to running in cheap shoes, I think.  I didn't want to overdue it for either of us. After making it quite a ways up a long hill, I decided it was time to head back.  As we walked down I started noticing the tiny wildflowers by the side of the road.  I knew then that I was finally getting out of my hurt headspace.  I became attentive to all the different types of flowers along the hill, stopping and looking at them close-up.  I find it soothing to look at nature.  It doesn't care if I'm having a good day or not, it's just existing for its own sake.  I like this perspective.

As you can see, I didn't take this picture, but these beautiful flowers look like some of the ones I saw.

After taking a long, hot bath it was time for a movie and guacamole.  I re-watched Fargo, which I hadn't seen in a very long time.  Violent but funny and endearing, just like I had remembered.  I went to sleep with a calmer heart.

While in the tub, I read some more in the Untethered Soul book, dog-earring the bottom of several pages worth re-reading in the future.  I'd like to share a bit of it with you.

"As you grow spiritually, you will realize that your attempts to protect yourself from your problems actually create more problems.  If you attempt to arrange people, places, and things so they don't disturb you, it will begin to feel like life is against you.  ... This makes life a threat.  That's why you worry so much. ... The alternative is to decide not to fight with life.  You realize and accept that life is not under your control.  Life is continuously changing, and if you're trying to control it, you'll never be able to fully live it.  ... But once you've decided not to fight with life, you'll have to face the fear that is causing you to fight.  ... When you have fear inside of you, the events of life invariably stimulate it.  Like a rock thrown into water, the world with its continuous changes ripples in whatever is held within you.  ... Life creates situations that push you to your edges, all with the effect of removing what is blocked inside of you.  That which is blocked and buried within you forms the root of fear.  ... Fear is the cause of every problem.  ... Life is surrounding you with people and situations that stimulate growth.  ... You only have to be willing to open your heart in the face of anything and everything, and permit the purification process to take place." (abridged pps 115-117)

 I don't normally include such long quotes, but this stuff is important to me and I wanted to share it with you.  The book also talked about acknowledging when"stuff" comes up and practicing the "let go" right away.  The sooner the better.  So I did that a lot today.  When I felt irritation or sadness arise, I noticed it and breathed some space into it.  Sometimes it dissipated right away, sometimes it took longer, but it always moved on and made space for the next emotion, whether it be something I wanted to feel or something I was ready to let go again and as quickly as possible.

I am not so quick to let go of the "good" emotions, I've noticed.  I really like feeling them and want to cling, but I think it'd be good practice to acknowledge them, like all the rest, and then let them pass on through.  I think this'll bring more peace to me in general.

Tonight I made a decision that was quite unlike my old self.  There was an incident with Jake in which I foresaw his reaction and made a conscious decision not to play into it.  He was displeased with my actions and let me know.  The amount of "bother" I felt because of it was so much less than it would have been in the past, I am amazed.  He's in charge of his emotions and actions, as am I.  I am learning healthier boundaries and will go to sleep tonight feeling lighter than I might have even a few weeks ago.

For this I am grateful.  Very, very grateful.

Thanks for listening.