Lent Days 34-35: Feeling Supported

"I'm so glad you moved in here." Sally told me this morning.  Wow. Those words filled me with happiness and gratitude.  My doubtful self had been wondering if she might want to get someone else in here, someone who could pay more rent.  "We're a great fit." she continued.  "The only thing better was if you had a penis and moved upstairs with me."  I told her I'd work on that. What a great way to start my day as I walked out the door to work, with a chuckle and a smile.

I've been told that I have an amazing support community.  It's true.  If you're reading this post, you're very likely a part of that group for me.  Family, friends, work peeps, church peeps, I am blessed with a whole bunch of people whom I love and love me back.  (There are a few people out there that I love and who are currently NOT loving me back, but that's ok.  Love and Light to them.)

I think part of the blessing of my community is that I genuinely want the people in my life (and everyone, for that matter) to live life to their fullest.  Happiness and bliss and smiles.  I know these aren't "practical" or "doable" all of the time, but it's my focus for myself and others.  And do you know what?  It comes right back at me.  People share their love and sympathy when I'm hurting and are happy for me when I am doing well.  I know that some decide early on in their lives that life isn't worth it, that they're just marking time until "their time" arrives.  Well, what's the point of that? Suffering isn't a gift from or to God.  Joy is.  

I have been getting ready for the upcoming flight to Japan (FRIDAY!!!), being a co-parent during a difficult time and getting distracted (Game of Thrones) so I haven't blogged as much as I was.  I don't know how often I'll be able to connect while overseas either, but I look forward to checking in as often as I can/want.

Today is day 35 of my Lent experience/experiment.  I'm glad I'll be "off the wagon" in time to enjoy some sake in Japan.  I'm also hoping to go with E to a Karaoke bar.  (I'm not saying I couldn't sing karaoke sober in a foreign country, but there's nothing like a little liquid courage.)  One of my funniest memories of the last time we visited (1995) was when we went to a place called the "One Shot" bar.  We didn't know what to order, so we get two shots of Wild Turkey.  (Why we ordered American Whiskey in Japan, I don't know.)  The bill came out to $24 for the shots.  We couldn't really believe it.  And we did, indeed, have only "one shot" while there.  

I have been grateful for the sobriety and the time to focus on my relationship to myself during this time.  My head's been in a pretty good space overall and I've had some interesting insights into beliefs about myself and my relationship to "altered states" and being around other people.  I really needed this time.  Thanks again for the suggestion, Rev.  

Here's some gems from this week's "Simple Abundance" calendar:

The Universe is not stingy.  We are.  Some of us have very stingy souls.  Perhaps not in how we treat others, but in how we treat ourselves.  Yet how can Spirit give more if our fists, hearts, and minds are clenched tight?

Today declare to the Universe that you are open to receiving all the abundance it's waiting patiently to bestow.  Each day offers us the opportunity to learn that as well as giving, it is blessed to receive with grace and a grateful heart.

The time has come for us to realize that until we work on increasing our self-esteem by loving ourselves in small ways, we can't begin changing ourselves for the better in big ways.

Whatever you are waiting for--peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of Simple Abundance--it will surely come, but only when you are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.  

It's been about a week since I have felt a release from anxiety.  It's a sensation that likes to live in my belly.  I know that I don't breathe as deeply when it is in residence.  I have to constantly confront the belief that if I don't focus on the "what if's", then I might very well be caught unprepared.  Well, I know better.  I really do.  Worrying on things that haven't happened can be like  prayer, says Rev,  a prayer that manifests in the "truth" of seeing life as hard, unfulfilling, surrounded by scarcity. Change my thinking, change my life, right?  So, with you as my witness, I will declare to the Universe that I am open to receiving all of the abundance that it is patiently waiting to bestow.  I know that any and all good coming to me is my birthright and does NOT take away from the birthright of others.

Thanks again to all of you who have posted, texted, e-mailed, called, messaged or supported me in person.  I am not alone and neither are you.  Underneath the layers of anxiety, fear, sadness and doubt is that Silent Watcher I keep mentioning.  Whether I forget about its presence or am able to breathe fully into acknowledging that it is there and it is constant, it is there and it is constant.

I'm going to end this post with a link to one of my favorite songs.  It's "Breathe" by Telepopmusik.  (If you like the song, I would highly suggest you create a Pandora station for this band.  There's some great techno-lounge music out there.)

Just Breathe

Just Believe

Another Day

Just Believe 

I'm used to it by now

Just Breathe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpY1tXHsdgw

Thanks for listening.  

Love to you all.